right, its her day. & it didnt turned out as planned. and its quite obvious that it'll become like that. i dont know if you're reading this but i bet most likely not & maybe nobody even comes to this site. okay. so everything ended a few days back. yes i havent got over it but i know i will. just a matter of time, somehow. that moment felt damn shitty. i didn't know how i got that courage to pretend like i'm totally gonna be okay & ask you not to worry. dumb or not? & i feel like im just living in history and denial yet again. really, shit happens & its happening every now & then. i hate this feeling of knowing that i'm miserable inside and you're enjoying & having fun somewhere else. i hate the feeling that i'm stupidly being affected by all the shit & you aren't at all. i know i'm in no right to bother you at all. in no right to do anything that concerns you. but its just difficult to kick away something that i used to had for the past 6 months. i don't regret but i still question myself why did i even let it happen when i know everytime i'll end up being the loser. maybe i just need to wake up & learn how to be the smarter one. wth. okay.
anw im leaving in afew days time. & i guess it wouldnt affect anybody out there. HAHA. anw, this is something i got from steph's blog.. and i srsly have this feeling right now, this down-peak in life,

'Im afraid of endings cause that's when all the changes start kicking in.'

and its already happening to me. i dont like changes, at all. & i guess when there's a crack in this glass. its not possible to make it like the original one anymore.